Life of a Kept Woman

I want to chronicle this particular niche - a woman being well cared for by a man for no other reason than it fulfills them both.

Name:
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California, United States

In 2001, I stopped working and focused on having the most pleasurable and fulfilling life possible. Today, I have succeeded my wildest expectations. A “kept woman” is a woman who is being supported comfortably by a man for reasons having nothing to do with marriage, children, or sex. We are intelligent women, who know there is more to life than proving yet again we can do it just as well as men. We are choosing lives of comfort and service, but only to the extent that it pleases us. The men who support us do so because they see it as their best move for a rich life with a partner who can create a lifestyle based on having the best of what life has to offer for them both. The best is everything from cocktails at sunset to cycling together mid-day to serving the poor.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Photo Gallery

Friday, April 08, 2005

Where to start. . . . Perhaps with the sweetness . . . .

I live near the Oakland Hills in a house that George purchased for me when I decided I wanted to leave the community where we had met and were residing. That community is Lafayette Morehouse. More on this later. We live in a large 2-story house that we share with our kitty, Solstice as well as our 2 housemates - Zoe and Michael. We have housemates because it helps with the mortgage, of course. Our primary reason, though, is because it's more fun to have people around especially other women.

I met George when I was on a sabbatical from my former life as corporate human resource manager. We got together about a year later. We made a deal that he would fully support me while we researched being in a primary relationship with each other as we pursued the goals of responsible hedonism. Our definition of responsible hedonism is simply to have the most pleasurable life possible, to have fun, to do the next most fun thing, to not do anything we don't want to do. It's an easy thing to want, it can be a harder thing to have.

Today . . . my lifestyle is not upscale, but it is definitely luxurious. I mostly get up when I want. There is no where I really have to be. A beautiful Brazilian woman comes to clean our house every week. I go to Whole Foods, Trader Joes, and Market Hall in Rockridge in my Jeep Grand Cherokee to buy ingredients for whatever dinner or cocktail party we're having that week. An invitation to one of our parties is not to be missed. We are trained hedonist so we know how to have a good time. George shakes a mean classic cocktail, while I am the expert on ambiance and the wine enthusiast. Zoe and Michael have really added to our capacity to have memorable parties.

A typical day for me includes meditation, spending time online, reading, shopping, getting some form of physical healing or pampering or both, preparing food, arranging our calendar, planning content for a group or a post, and snuggling with George. On the weekends, we take our tandem bicycle out on half-day adventures, have parties, and generally lounge around together.



Thursday, April 07, 2005

Defined

Defined

Here's what they say:




kept wom·an

noun


woman supported by a lover: a woman who is financially supported, especially by a married man ( often considered offensive )

kept man
kept woman
noun

1. derog

A man or woman supported financially by someone in return for being available to them as a sexual partner.

a kept woman a woman who is paid to live with a man I'm tired of being a kept woman. I want to be free of him.

kept woman
     n : an adulterous woman; a woman who has an ongoing extramarital
         sexual relationship with a man [syn: mistress, fancy woman]

kept woman [n]

1)

an adulterous woman; a woman who has an ongoing extramarital sexual relationship with a man

Synonyms:fancy_woman mistress See Also: adult_female lover chachka concubine braun delilah



Here's what I say:


A kept woman today is a woman who is not married and has no children and is being fully supported by a man by choice. She may or may not live with him as is her pleasure. The arrangement is entered into freely and explicitly, and may be terminated in the same manner. The woman is under no obligation of any kind.

I specifically wanted to reclaim this phrase from the arcane archives of the American lexicon. For two years, I have been searching for a label, some short hand, to call the "us" that exits and is evolving. According to the government, we are domestic partners. While it is true that we occupy the same domicile, our deal existed before we lived together. Further, we have often referred to ourselves as companions. Certainly, George most often refers to me as his girlfriend. These terms don't quite get to the depth and interdependence I experience though.

I was in Starbucks when I first reached for this word. A well-intentioned woman asked me what I did for a living. It was a sunny afternoon in this mostly empty coffee shop, and I was feeling a juicy appreciation for my life. I was wearing a pretty casual dress as well as my gorgeous new ring made of the Mandarin Garnet that George had given me for Christmas, and I was on my way to a lovely spa. To say that I was feeling well cared for would have been entirely accurate. It was into this space that she asked this simple question. My usual response about being a former human resource manager for a fortune 50 high-tech firm didn't even come close to describing my existence at that moment. Without thinking I replied, "I'm a kept woman." How the conversation unfolded from there was illuminating.

Her: Oh you're a housewife.

Me: No, I'm not married. And actually, I pay somoene to clean my house.

Her: Oh, you're a stay-at-home mom.

Me: No, I don't have any children.

Her: So, you're unemployed.

Me: No, I just decided to stop working.

About here is where her circuits began to fry. I realized that she couldn't hear the phrase "kept woman" because she had no realty, no context in which to land the concept. Moreover, there I was this professional looking woman using a term, that had "whore" written all over it, to describe who I am. Fortunately, my chai was ready, so I could put her out of her misery.

This has become one of my missions in life; to speak this phrase, give it meaning, and have it show up as a viable option for any woman. Afterall, I'm not a beautiful tall skinny white woman. I'm an ordinary woman with some polish and education, who had the good sense to get some relationship training. If I can have it, anyone can.

To me, being a kept woman means that I am smart enough to enjoy my good life and pursue my goals in such a way that it inspires a man to want to be with me and give me more of that good life for us both to enjoy. What more could a man want than a happy, gratified woman who acknowledges that he is the cause? What more could any woman want than to have the freedom to pursue her highest dreams, inspire a man to acheive glory beyond his imagination, and serve the world by telling the truth of a life well-lived?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

On Becoming a Kept Woman

So you think you’d like to be a kept woman?


As Michael Naumer - my late teacher and relationship coach - once said, “It’s simple, just not so easy.”

You don’t have to be drop-dead gorgeous or even classically pretty. Nor do you have to be cunning, or well connected. What you DO have to do is:

  1. be willing to have fun,
  2. be deeply committed to your own pleasure and know your heart’s desire
  3. be willing to tell the truth,
  4. get your value from who you’re doing not from what you are doing
  5. be willing to have even more fun
  6. be creative,
  7. be able to turn on a dime from whiney little girl to a mature woman with sense of humor and a willing to forgive and be forgiven,
  8. let go of the career aspirations your parents gave you,
  9. be interested in serving others and/or the world,
  10. be willing to have even more fun,
  11. take a leap of faith into uncharted territory,
  12. be honest about money,
  13. say exactly what you want and have it,
  14. think big and outside of the box,
  15. be willing to have even more fun
  16. have your boyfriend be your friend and partner in the conspiracy for the highest pleasure in every aspect of your life,
  17. acknowledge the good as often as you can remember,
  18. cultivate girlfriends and partners in crime,
  19. have a good cover story, or be a clear stand for the lifestyle,
  20. willing to have the time of your life everyday.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Responsible Hedonism

I wanted to say something about this since so much of what is out their about kept women on the internet is about women being little more than high-priced prostitutes.

Personally, I am living out of a paradigm known as responsible hedonism. It is generally defined as the measured or balanced pursuit of pleasure for its own sake. Being mindful of long-term consequences is a key factor.



Other thoughts on responsible hedonism include:

. . . the interconnectivity and wholeness of the earth and all humanity and calls into light our relationship to the earth and the need for responsible hedonism as a way to honor the earth, each other, and ourselves. . . .
It also instructs us to give and receive pleasure in all forms, and that love and sensuality are not always sexual. We should live each day experiencing the childish delight and discovery of the world around us and also to fulfill our responsibility as the caretakers of the earth

. . . the pursuit of "responsible hedonism," seeking a balance between short- and long-term personally meaningful goals that improve the young offender's world or, at least, cause it no undue harm.

Being a kept woman is having the privilege to pursue a path of pleasure in a wide variety of areas. First with yourself and then in an ever increasing arc that eventually includes serving the world with your happiness.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Having a Vision

It's funny, I can remember precisely the moment when I decided to have the life I wanted. It was during a goals setting exercise. Every since that moment, more and more of my life has become a deliberate creation. The key thing I learned in that moment is that you have to have a clear goal in order to be able to recognize an opportunity when it presents itself. Otherwise, you're looking at the replay, going “damn, wish I'd seen that.". George and I were hiking on the ridge behind the property at Lafayette Morehouse shortly after I arrived. He was talking about how he had surplus cycles [code for he has a lot of available time and energy that a woman could put to use to fulfill her various desires]. I heard that and recognized that my ship had just come in. Of course, it took several months for me to get out of my way enough to have my goal, but at least I was clear on the outcome.

There were hundreds of decisions made before that hike that got me there, and there have been hundreds since that brought me here. Last night, when I looked at the commitment statements I had made 6 years ago, I was blown away by how much of my life today was a direct result of those commitments I had made at a variety of levels – individual, team, organization, society, etc. Back then it was a lot of effort and intention. Today, it's mostly just desire. I decide I want something and I know that I can have it because I've done it before, over and over. Being with George has helped me further refine my capabilities for two reasons. First, if I say I want it, he goes to work on getting it, so I damn well better be ready to have it. So my capacity to have stuff, including experiences, has increased dramatically. Which leads me to the second, which is that he is very good at detecting true desire versus wanting something because I think I should. These 2 factors have allowed me to have more of what I want faster.



Sunday, April 03, 2005

Redefining My Value

Clarity is a great thing. The entire first year after we moved out of the Morehouse, I was stalled in a fog bank. It lifted slowly at first. I actually took a couple of jobs. Strange but true. I still had my value as a woman linked to having a career. George was so valiant. He kept telling me that I could work or not work, but I should only do what I wanted to do. This despite the fact that we were living hand-to-mouth while he tried to find a new business to support us. He had another good line early on when I was really mopey and feeling worthless and ranting that I should be doing something, something of service to the world. He replied, "You could be of service to me. You could be happy, that would be a service." Bookmark that.

So I actually worked in my profession - human resources - for a few months. My mother was so happy. Our lives became more ordinary by the day. I quit after 5 months. Then I started working as a sales representative for a recycled printer cartridge company because I discovered that I had some innate capacity for the first part of the sales cycle - getting the meeting. It also promised a telecommute situation after a few months. I did that for 6 months. All the while, I was searching for the thing I was suppose to be doing, and our lives were becoming still more ordinary by the day. A week after I decided to quit, I had my 42 birthday. All day long I was singing, "It's my perfect birthday . . ." And you know what? It was. The whole day was a dream. I had a crystal clear experience all day of creating out of nothing but desire to have the present moment be the best ever. Out of that came a yummy breakfast, beautiful jewelry and scarves, a bike ride to a hilltop that yielded phenomenal views of the Bay area; and later, cocktails and dancing at the Top of the Mark while watching the sunset over the Bay Bridge. That was the beginning of the shift. A couple weeks later, I was in a Starbucks on my way to a spa, when that woman asked me that fateful question.

When I realized she couldn't hear the phrase "kept woman". I began playing with the language and observing the reactions. It soon dawned on me that I had a life that most women considered a fantasy. They would always trot out an assumption that would have me fit their pictures and validate their existence. Invariably, though, I would crack their reality by responding with definitive delight the antithesis to the pictures they tried to lay on me. It occurred to me that just by showing up and telling the truth about my life that I was giving women another possibility. Unfortunately, the kept woman is rare enough that it represents a breakthrough in lifestyle for most women.

These experiences really helped me get clear that my life as a gratified woman and sensual researcher with George had value. Taking the Women's Intuition course at BPI pretty much cemented it. I discarded so much stuff that was not mine about how my life should be. Now, I can make distinctions about what's my energy in terms of thoughts and feelings, and what is that of other people covertly trying to control me. Clearly, an important skill to have when living a revolutionary life.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

A Tale of Two Men

I owe a great deal to two men who influenced the course of my life most profoundly.

The first in chronological order is Michael Naumer, co-founder of the Relationship Research Institute (RRI) - whom I met in the spring of 1999. After I decided that I wanted to meet a certain caliber of men, I hired a professional matchmaker who suggested that I take a weekend course entitled Beyond the Game led by Michael. The first step in the process of the course was a video interview that Michael himself conducted with every participant. His astute observations of the incongruity of my public persona with my stated goals was the beginning of a relentless exploration of self-awareness. I also recognized that I did in fact have impact on people - particularly men, and I could choose to do it consciously or unconsciously. As I became part of an inner-circle of students who were dedicated to embodying his work, I came to understand that I complete control over the story of my life, especially that I was not my emotions, and that greatest opportunity in relationships was to get seniority over unconscious patterns, thereby gaining an ever greater personal freedom and expansiveness. The most important gift that he gave me though didn't have anything to do with relationships directly. Because of him I mastered the sahdana of service; impeccable action out of a space of "nothing" (no personal gain)
for the purpose of transformation. I was more myself, and not my personality with him than with I was with almost everyone else in my life at the time. Before Michael, I was a victim of circumstances. After Michael, I was a perpetrator of my life.

Michael died on May 4, 2001.

The same day I had my first private hour with Jackie Alec and Marilyn of Lafayette Morehouse. I decided then and there that I would pursue the path of responsible hedonism that would inevitably take me to the feet of Morehouse co-founder, Victor Baranco. But first, I had to meet the man who fulfill a life-long dream of partnership. That night I danced with George Sawyer for the first time at a singles party. The rest is history.

Meeting Vic made everything with George possible. In my first audience with Vic, he accurately described my true overriding goal, " . . . you want to be enlightened and get off better than you ever have before in your life.". Later he told me to stand at the exit door of his "man factory" and I would have a man who would treat me in a such a way that I would never again doubt my attractiveness [means more than superficial physical attributes, has to do with a sense of inherent value]. That's pretty much what I did, though not overtly.

Vic and his wife Suzy created an experimental residential community in the late sixties that continues to exist today in Lafayette, CA. The primary goal of this community is experiment with ways of living pleasurably in a group and reporting their findings in the courses that they teach. They are the only group I know that is actively and thoughtfully pursuing the philosophy of responsible hedonism as valid path. They are best known for the research in the area of sensuality/sexuality and man-woman relationships. Early on, I took the Expansion of Sexual Potential intensive. I had an extraordinary guide who understood my motivations and it became a shamanic adventure that literally began on the fateful day of September 11, 2001 and ended 2 weeks later with a thunder and lightening storm. My life changed profoundly over the course of those 2 weeks. Among the many outcomes, I had gained an understanding that I could have whatever I wanted out of my own desire to have it. If I wanted to feel more pleasure, I could feel more pleasure. If I wanted a better life, I could have a better life. I also got that no matter what is going on - personal loss or national disaster - I had a choice about who I was going to be in the matter, and that there was always value in choosing pleasure over pain.

George and I had had a very bumpy ride in our relationship. There were at least 2 other women that I felt I was competing with and my act was shabby at best. With the help of our friends aka "trainers and handlers", we were just starting to build a relationship based on fun and not my desperate agenda to be have a guy of my own, when we joined 6 of our friends in HI for a final audience with Vic before he died. Our first of 3 sessions with him was rough, to say the least. Members of our group were going down in flames with every question they asked as Vic ruthlessly exposed their manipulative agendas, inadequacies, and incongruities. Finally, there was a lull. I was staring down at my feet grateful to be sitting in the back out of the line of fire, when out of the blue I heard George say, " Hey Vic, what about this broad sitting next to me . . . ." George was asking if Vic thought it was a good idea for George to take our relationship to the next level - commitment. The back story: George had been around in the community for years, and had brought 1 previous girlfriend and 1 wife in front of Vic. The second time, Vic asked him why George didn't ask his opinion before he took up with these "lame ass" women. So there I was with George holding me up to Vic for his opinion. My heart stopped. I was sure I was going to go down in flames like many of friends had that morning. Instead a miracle. He replied, "I don't know, man. [She's the] fastest player in the house . . . ". This was Vic's way of saying that I was good catch. It's just about his highest form of complement. The next thing you here on the tape is George saying, "Wow!". I knew then that I finally had him. All the painful stumbling and then the methodical recovery as I pursued my sadhana, just do the next most fun thing, and the rest will take care of itself; had all paid off in the few precious moments. Vic gave me that. I probably would have gotten their on my own in a few more months; but it's like they say, "Everything is faster around Vic". There it was, the man I had been pursuing for months, my best hope for my dream-come-true, handed to me on a silver platter in a matter of minutes. Once again, accurately identifying my true desire, he delivered. Vic did that. I know of no one else who can gratify women the way Vic did. Because of him I have had the experience and the knowledge that I can be and am completely gratified. Vic did that.

Michael, Vic, having known you and your heartfelt desire to see me, and have me see best of me has forever changed me. I love you. I miss you. You will live in heart, and I will endeavor to live a life worthy of all you have given me.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Resources

Periodically, I will post information on books, courses, websites that I know to be useful on this path.

Courses and Consultants


More House aka the Institute for Human Abilities
Lafayette, CA
Judy St. John
925-930-9244
no website
unparalleled high quality information on relationships, sexuality, and communal living. This is the source of much the recent literature today on extended orgasm and male-female relationships.

Relationships Research Institute
SF East Bay Area, CA
Howard Zalkin
510-336-3527
howardz@sbcglobal.net
no website
Howard and his partner, JP, have picked up the RRI work since the death of Michael Naumer in 2001. This is good basic material on how to see who you're being and navigate relationships more effectively.

Universal Tao
http://www.universal-tao.com/
Good information on esoteric Taoist sexual practices.

Rivka Grubb
Wardrobe Consultant
Lafayette, CA
925-457-4975
rivkagrubb@juno.com
She is real professional and a lot of fun. The shopping trip I did with her was one of the most luxurious experiences I've ever had. She put the polish on my act.


Literature

Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World by Regina Thomashauer.

When you Google "kept woman" you will eventually land in Mama Gena's lap. On her website, you will find a listing of her courses and her book. I have never taken her courses, though I do know she has some training from Morehouse and is quite well known in the NY community. Her book noted above was a delightful read, fun fluff, cotton candy-like as it will leave you wanting something more, like perhaps her workshops. Nonetheless, what's there is sound with some of the exercises will surely take your life up a few notches. What I like about this book versus Sugar Daddy 101 by Leidra Lawson, which I recently perused, is that there is absolutely NO manipulation involved. Her book is really about enjoying your life so much that you will be irresistible to men which has certainly been one of the tennents of my good life. Mama Gena's is a good introduction for those who want to pursue the life of a kept woman or responsible hedonism, as well as those who just want to have a better time being a woman.