Life of a Kept Woman

I want to chronicle this particular niche - a woman being well cared for by a man for no other reason than it fulfills them both.

Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California, United States

In 2001, I stopped working and focused on having the most pleasurable and fulfilling life possible. Today, I have succeeded my wildest expectations. A “kept woman” is a woman who is being supported comfortably by a man for reasons having nothing to do with marriage, children, or sex. We are intelligent women, who know there is more to life than proving yet again we can do it just as well as men. We are choosing lives of comfort and service, but only to the extent that it pleases us. The men who support us do so because they see it as their best move for a rich life with a partner who can create a lifestyle based on having the best of what life has to offer for them both. The best is everything from cocktails at sunset to cycling together mid-day to serving the poor.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

A Tale of Two Men

I owe a great deal to two men who influenced the course of my life most profoundly.

The first in chronological order is Michael Naumer, co-founder of the Relationship Research Institute (RRI) - whom I met in the spring of 1999. After I decided that I wanted to meet a certain caliber of men, I hired a professional matchmaker who suggested that I take a weekend course entitled Beyond the Game led by Michael. The first step in the process of the course was a video interview that Michael himself conducted with every participant. His astute observations of the incongruity of my public persona with my stated goals was the beginning of a relentless exploration of self-awareness. I also recognized that I did in fact have impact on people - particularly men, and I could choose to do it consciously or unconsciously. As I became part of an inner-circle of students who were dedicated to embodying his work, I came to understand that I complete control over the story of my life, especially that I was not my emotions, and that greatest opportunity in relationships was to get seniority over unconscious patterns, thereby gaining an ever greater personal freedom and expansiveness. The most important gift that he gave me though didn't have anything to do with relationships directly. Because of him I mastered the sahdana of service; impeccable action out of a space of "nothing" (no personal gain)
for the purpose of transformation. I was more myself, and not my personality with him than with I was with almost everyone else in my life at the time. Before Michael, I was a victim of circumstances. After Michael, I was a perpetrator of my life.

Michael died on May 4, 2001.

The same day I had my first private hour with Jackie Alec and Marilyn of Lafayette Morehouse. I decided then and there that I would pursue the path of responsible hedonism that would inevitably take me to the feet of Morehouse co-founder, Victor Baranco. But first, I had to meet the man who fulfill a life-long dream of partnership. That night I danced with George Sawyer for the first time at a singles party. The rest is history.

Meeting Vic made everything with George possible. In my first audience with Vic, he accurately described my true overriding goal, " . . . you want to be enlightened and get off better than you ever have before in your life.". Later he told me to stand at the exit door of his "man factory" and I would have a man who would treat me in a such a way that I would never again doubt my attractiveness [means more than superficial physical attributes, has to do with a sense of inherent value]. That's pretty much what I did, though not overtly.

Vic and his wife Suzy created an experimental residential community in the late sixties that continues to exist today in Lafayette, CA. The primary goal of this community is experiment with ways of living pleasurably in a group and reporting their findings in the courses that they teach. They are the only group I know that is actively and thoughtfully pursuing the philosophy of responsible hedonism as valid path. They are best known for the research in the area of sensuality/sexuality and man-woman relationships. Early on, I took the Expansion of Sexual Potential intensive. I had an extraordinary guide who understood my motivations and it became a shamanic adventure that literally began on the fateful day of September 11, 2001 and ended 2 weeks later with a thunder and lightening storm. My life changed profoundly over the course of those 2 weeks. Among the many outcomes, I had gained an understanding that I could have whatever I wanted out of my own desire to have it. If I wanted to feel more pleasure, I could feel more pleasure. If I wanted a better life, I could have a better life. I also got that no matter what is going on - personal loss or national disaster - I had a choice about who I was going to be in the matter, and that there was always value in choosing pleasure over pain.

George and I had had a very bumpy ride in our relationship. There were at least 2 other women that I felt I was competing with and my act was shabby at best. With the help of our friends aka "trainers and handlers", we were just starting to build a relationship based on fun and not my desperate agenda to be have a guy of my own, when we joined 6 of our friends in HI for a final audience with Vic before he died. Our first of 3 sessions with him was rough, to say the least. Members of our group were going down in flames with every question they asked as Vic ruthlessly exposed their manipulative agendas, inadequacies, and incongruities. Finally, there was a lull. I was staring down at my feet grateful to be sitting in the back out of the line of fire, when out of the blue I heard George say, " Hey Vic, what about this broad sitting next to me . . . ." George was asking if Vic thought it was a good idea for George to take our relationship to the next level - commitment. The back story: George had been around in the community for years, and had brought 1 previous girlfriend and 1 wife in front of Vic. The second time, Vic asked him why George didn't ask his opinion before he took up with these "lame ass" women. So there I was with George holding me up to Vic for his opinion. My heart stopped. I was sure I was going to go down in flames like many of friends had that morning. Instead a miracle. He replied, "I don't know, man. [She's the] fastest player in the house . . . ". This was Vic's way of saying that I was good catch. It's just about his highest form of complement. The next thing you here on the tape is George saying, "Wow!". I knew then that I finally had him. All the painful stumbling and then the methodical recovery as I pursued my sadhana, just do the next most fun thing, and the rest will take care of itself; had all paid off in the few precious moments. Vic gave me that. I probably would have gotten their on my own in a few more months; but it's like they say, "Everything is faster around Vic". There it was, the man I had been pursuing for months, my best hope for my dream-come-true, handed to me on a silver platter in a matter of minutes. Once again, accurately identifying my true desire, he delivered. Vic did that. I know of no one else who can gratify women the way Vic did. Because of him I have had the experience and the knowledge that I can be and am completely gratified. Vic did that.

Michael, Vic, having known you and your heartfelt desire to see me, and have me see best of me has forever changed me. I love you. I miss you. You will live in heart, and I will endeavor to live a life worthy of all you have given me.


Anonymous Marc Beneteau / said...

Hey Oceana are you still writing this blog? Its both very intimate and profound and there is a tremendous resonance to what we're doing here at the Trellis Community of Philadelphia ( Thank you for sharing - I will try and look you up next time we're in the Bay area.

5:12 AM  
Anonymous Marc Beneteau said...

Hey Oceana don't you think your story would be more appropriately entitled "A tale of three men" ;)

11:26 AM  
Blogger J said...

Oceana and Marc,

I am loving the blog, and its stimulating a conversion in our house! (I live with Marc). Marc is coming closer to manifesting a kept woman!


11:16 PM  

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