Life of a Kept Woman

I want to chronicle this particular niche - a woman being well cared for by a man for no other reason than it fulfills them both.

Location: San Francisco Bay Area, California, United States

In 2001, I stopped working and focused on having the most pleasurable and fulfilling life possible. Today, I have succeeded my wildest expectations. A “kept woman” is a woman who is being supported comfortably by a man for reasons having nothing to do with marriage, children, or sex. We are intelligent women, who know there is more to life than proving yet again we can do it just as well as men. We are choosing lives of comfort and service, but only to the extent that it pleases us. The men who support us do so because they see it as their best move for a rich life with a partner who can create a lifestyle based on having the best of what life has to offer for them both. The best is everything from cocktails at sunset to cycling together mid-day to serving the poor.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Keeper's Perspective

Wanted to bring this out from the archives from 4/2/05. It's a good reminder for me.

About now, many of you are thinking, "What's in it for the guy?" So I sat down with George to answer a few of your questions. If you have others, let me know, and we'll bring him back on the show. And now, here's George, the man who makes this lovely dream of a life possible . . . .

What’s in it for you?

Mostly I have a happy woman, which is pretty rare. And not that fake happy or indifferent. Really happy. It used to be that the best I could do was that the woman in my life was mostly not unhappy. What I found was that after the lovey-dovey phase wore off, it got pretty mediocre, pretty fast.

Do you ever feel like you’re doing all the work?

Sometimes. When you’re with a woman who really wants something, then the “doing” [producing it] is effortless. I used to discount the effect of a woman’s desire on my productivity. However, when I look back at the big things I was able to accomplish with relative ease, it seemed there was woman in my life who really wanted that done. A good recent example is when Oceana wanted to move out of the community in which we were living and into her own house, I was able to buy her a house within a matter of weeks with very little capital.

If you’re going to give her everything she wants, how do you get what you want?

Part of what she wants is for other people to have what they want, which includes me, of course. She wants me to be happy. It’s not much of a complement to have a miserable guy on her arm.

Also, we’re very much a team. Classically, you can have a woman by your side or at your throat. I feel like Oceana is at my back. We have common goals and values that have to do with pleasurable living. My goal is to get everything I want in life. The fastest way to do that is to gratify Oceana. For instance, I have always wanted to have a tandem bicycle. One of our favorite things to do is to spend time outdoors together. We used to hike frequently until it got to be too much of a challenge for Oceana. She told me that cycling was her favorite form of aerobic exercise because it had the least impact on her joints. When I suggested a tandem bicycle, she was very enthusiastic. Now, we ride together frequently, often in beautiful locations. Oceana’s happy and I didn’t just get my tandem; we got a custom built, high-end bike second-hand for a reasonable price from one of the first ads we saw from someone within 10 miles of our house.

One caveat, though, this model of gratifying a woman as a means to happiness for a man only works with someone who knows how to play the game. Believe me, I’ve tried it with women who weren’t players. This isn’t quid pro quo and it’s not a blank check. The expectation is that we have fun, she treats me with respect, and I only do what I want to do.

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Nature of Nice

Not doing too bad with this blog now. Getting a new posting once a month . Funny how hard it is to write about a life that you're enjoying so much. Up until the last 5 years, I mostly used my journals, which I began keeping when I was 12 yo, to mull over the dicey times of my life.

At the end of July, we took a course at Lafayette Morehouse called the Fun of Nice. It was the first new course in over a decade. Cindy taught it with a few of her friends. It really was an incredible course. I can tell it's impact on me because I'm still thinking and talking about it. She described the nature of being nice as the opposite of phoney politeness. It's actually about inserting good into the world with every action and communication.

The capacity to insert good is an inside job initially. It begins with you. You have to feel good about yourself and treat yourself well with respect and care before you can give it to someone else. We've all heard this a million times. However, what I noticed during the course was how much my thoughts generated from low self-esteem tapes in my head prevented me from giving and receiving nice communications and actions. Even more surprising was how righteous I felt about my victim pictures having to do with race. I was saw how I was clinging to these pictures like the one ring in "Lord of the Rings". Even though my story and all my evidence about the very real horror of racism were preventing me from experiencing more goodness and love, I still couldn't let it go. It ruled most every interaction, my "precious" privileged status as a victim of racism. I realized I had missed a significant number of instances when someone was being nice to me or when I could have been nice to somenone else because of this "precious" right I felt I had to be a victim.

Niceness is not for the other person. It's for you. Every time I'm nice to someone, every time I do something good for someone; I get to experience directly as the source. This only works, of course, if I'm doing it from an authentic place. I have to already be standing in a place of feeling good about myself and have a surplus of good feeling to truly insert good into the world. Otherwise, it's just another polite gesture with strings attached or sacrifice of some sort.

To be in a good place requires the capacity to self-reflect, monitoring your thoughts and actions. How much of your thoughts are negative? From where did they originate? What could you do that would be more positive for yourself and then others? This kind of thing takes eternal vigilance as Vic used to say.

This has been the source of my biggest struggle and angst since the course. This seeing where I fall short. Worse, having George point out where I fell short because I was too blinded by my familiarity with meanness to see it for myself. Cindy said that while there is a continuum; basicially, if it isn't nice, it's mean. No one likes to think of themselves as mean. She said, it is a rare person who sets out to deliberately cause someone harm. Mostly people are mean by being unconscious of their negative impact on someone else; their unwillingness to deliberately pay attention to the person and do/say something nice to them. Occasionally, people are mean because they believe some right of theirs has been violated also. Brian said in the course, "It's the second bad that always sinks you."

Between noticing my own shortcomings and failure of others to treat me or anyone else with care and consideration, I have been in a general grumpy state since the course. Of course, I have made attempts to be more aware and be nicer to people. It's definitely a process. I notice that the closer the person is to me, the harder it is to be nice. It appears that expectations and rights are proportionate obstacles in the path. Cindy recognizes this from her own experience and admonished us all to start with the intention to be nice and not beat up on ourselves when we missed the mark [the second bad]. Instead trace down where you went wrong, learn, recall your intention, and keep going.

Intention. Eternal vigilance. Don't beat up on yourself. Be good to yourself. Keep going.

She says eventually it will become your nature. Everyone agrees she is living proof. So what is there to lose.